i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
