I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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