did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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