Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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