is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
