hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
