Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
50% drunk capacity currently
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
