I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
