i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
