as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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