he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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