Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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