we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
