just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
