I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
