If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
