we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
