You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
