Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
