Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
