ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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