I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
