he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
