Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
