Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
