I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
