they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
