Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
