If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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