You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
