yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize