I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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