Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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