my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
