i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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