is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize