And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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