Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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