umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize