im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
