This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
