Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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