never play flip cup with pint glasses
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
