there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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