3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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