you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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