So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
