when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
