I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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