I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
