final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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