Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
