So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize