the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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