Welp...herpes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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