just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
