Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Randomize
