i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
