She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize