My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
