Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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