I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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