If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
