Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
bring money and cleavage
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
