Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
