so explain again why im purple
no
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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