Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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