im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
be right there i have to get my cape
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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