I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
