And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
