and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Shame is for Republicans.
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