Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
