in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
