Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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