Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
