Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
