If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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