Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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