Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
