that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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