Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize