sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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