remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
